The End is Near

Summer is wrapping up.

We are two short weeks from the start of
another school year. The end is nearing. I’ll have zero children at home
during the day. They’ll all be off at school, learning and growing. I’m
starting to panic.

I really don’t do as well as I’m
capable of while my kids are at home with me. I should do more. Spend
more time and attention on things of importance. Yet, I still want them
around. I want to neglect them. I want to hug and kiss them whenever
they want.

 I want to be frustrated over trying to divide my attention
evenly. I want to lay on the bed, side by side, reading books silently. I
want them to make messes and get in trouble.

This is
just one example of my control issues. Soon I won’t be able to do better
if I want to. My chance will be gone. No more tomorrows to hopefully do
better. They’ll be off, out in the world spending their days with a
teacher and classmates. Oh how the control being handed over to someone
else makes me quake. A teacher spending so much time with my littles.

And what will become of me?

What do I do with myself while someone else has charge over my
responsibilities?

 I need to make a plan! I need to have a schedule! I
may lay in bed sobbing all day if I’m not proactive about this. I’m not a
big fan of change. Change and I don’t get along. I especially don’t like when change invites loss
to the party without asking. Truthfully, that’s what this all seems
like.

 Loss of a young and sweet time in my children and I’s lives.

Moving forward. Moving on. Growing up. Who needs it?

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